Wednesday, November 30, 2005

At the intersection of Fountain and Vine, in the middle of the rush hour commute through Hollywood, a twenty-something woman in a man's suit is banging on the hood of her broken down Toyota Tercel, which has the words "I sell laptops, $300" painted on the driver-side door. The car blocks a very busy turning intersection, and about 3 out of 4 drivers who are able to weave around the woman manage some combination of honk and obscene gesture as they pass. Each time, the woman cups her hands and shouts the same mantra at each speeding-away car: "I know, I know, I shoulda bought the Lexus... whatever!," followed by an elaborate and horrifying forced cackle.

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Monday, November 28, 2005

On the courtesy shuttle bringing passengers from the long-term parking lot to Orange County's John Wayne Airport, a middle-aged couple are going over the details of their Thanksgiving travel. The radio plays "Imagine," and the woman turns to her husband, who is absent-mindedly humming along.

"Is this Lennon or McCartney?," the woman asks.

"Neither," he answers.

Suddenly, the woman dramatically clutches at her chest.

"Oh, God. I forgot my lucky flying medallion!," she shouts.

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Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Back in the (latex safe) Kaiser Permanente Urgent Care Center, a middle-aged African American man answers his cell phone. His long grey t-shirt features the Warner Brothers logo - a cartoonish gold shield emblazoned with "WB" - in the center, with text wrapped around the graphic, reading: "If You See The Po-lice Coming, WARN-A-BROTHER!"

He screams into the cell phone: "Hello? (Pause). No, it turns out it was a zit. No, no, a ZIT. Like a pimple."

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